Episodes
Pilot
Malcolm practices for his sports commentator audition at the local radio station, earnestly recording play-by-play onto a demonstration tape while watching the basketball game... until Eddie accidentally blows up the television set. Insistent on helping his roommate replace it, Eddie wheedles Malcolm into attending a free ""personal wealth seminar"" where each participant is promised either a free TV or a set of steak knives.
Eddie By Moonlight
When Eddie's beloved tow truck Broncula breaks down, he must raise money to repair ""her,"" so he secures a wild array of odd jobs which quickly wear away at Malcolm's quality of life.
On The Radio
Aspiring sportscaster Malcom finally gets a chance to be on the air at the radio station but instead of calling the plays, he's given a dee-jay's graveyard shift. Surprisingly, Eddie ends up as the only one who can get his exhausted roommate through the long nights.
Partnership Of Fools
Eddie annoys Malcolm when he deviates from their established system of picking their joint weekly lottery ticket numbers. Malcolm forgives Eddie's indiscretion when all six numbers come up, making them instant millionaires... or so they think.... Unfortunately for the mismatched roommates, for the first time in Missouri state history, there's more than one winner of the Instant Millionaire game - many more. When the money is divvied up, Malcolm and Eddie are able to redecorate their apartment just in time to impress Bridget, a young attorney and her roommate Nicollette, a parking enforcement officer, who move in across the hall. Strongly attracted to Bridget, Malcolm is summarily spurned when she makes it clear she's dating NBA Rookie of the Year Damon Stoudamire. Realizing he's at a crossroads in life, Malcolm decides to buy the bar from Kelly. Eddie uses his half of the money to convert the tow truck business.
Someday My TAFKAP Will Come
Malcolm prepares for the grand reopening of Kelly's sports bar and Eddie arranges to bring in the live entertainment for the event. He also uses his connections to book TAFKAP (The Artist Formerly Known As Prince). But when engine trouble derails the Artist's arrival, Eddie steps in to keep the show alive.
Little Sister
When a beautiful woman arrives at the bar Malcolm is quick to ask her for a date but unbeknownst to him, she's Eddie's younger sister. When the truth is told, the roommates make an agreement that Malcom will keep the evening platonic, but an overprotective Eddie makes it clear that big brother is watching.
Big Brother Is Watching
Eddie becomes a member of the Little Buddies Association just to get a date with one of its attractive female volunteers. When Malcolm accidentally reveals his roommates ulterior motives to his new little brother, Troy, the mischievous eight-year-old sets out to wreak havoc at Kelly's bar.
The Boy Who Cried Werewolf
As Malcolm prepares for Halloween, fearful Eddie tells a story of a devastating family curse.
Dead Guy
A man trying to bring a fake lawsuit against the bar, inadvertently dies, just as the guys get a visit from the city's toughest health inspector.
Do The K.C. Hustle
Eddie's uncle (Richard Pryor) teaches Malcolm to win at pool.
It's The Bomb
Malcolm's plan for rededicating his bar from its old name Kelly's, to its new name McGee's, goes amiss when the signs are misspelled, McGoo's. Meanwhile a crazed, bomb-toting football fan takes over Malcolm's crowded bar to protest the rumored move by the Kansas City Chiefs to Los Angeles, and the bar gets city-wide news coverage under the name McGoo's instead of McGee's.
Sh-Boing-Boing
Malcolm tries to settle his grandparents' quarrel after Malcolm's grandfather gets kicked out of the house and moves in with Malcolm & Eddie. Nicolette gets a new roommate named Regina, who has eyes for Eddie, but Nicolette remains determined continue persuing him.
Club Story
While Malcolm is away with Lydia, Malcolm leaves Eddie in charge of running the bar for a day. Eddie gets the idea that he should transform the bar into an exotic dance club, but doesn't count on the law being there and wanting to shut down the club.
Lockdown
The guys land in jail when they try to scalp Jodeci concert tickets.
Hai Karate
Eddie takes karate lessons from a kung fu master to prepare for a duel.
Jugglin'
Holly passes Malcolm off as her boyfriend when her parents come for a visit. But all goes awry when Malcolm is caught in a compromising situation. Eddie seems oddly attracted to a psycho chick. And Tim meets Danielle for the first time, and its love at first sight.
Everynight Fever
The club puts on a 70's promotion and everybody dresses up in 70's attire, and grooves to the funk. Eddie gets into the spirit of the 70's, so much so that he remains there even after the promotion is over. When Nicolette arranges for him to get a city contract fixing parking scooters, Eddie's priorities become confused, & business & friendships begins to suffer. Eddie finally admits he's a Funk-aholic.
The Commercial
When the guys decide to film a TV commerical for the bar, to attract new customers, they are inadvertently a big success...as a gay bar. Finally, the guys decide to dress the part.
Whole Lotta Love Seat
Eddie and Malcolm try to return an expensive leather sofa Eddie bought with rent money, even after he accidentally painted graffitti on it.
Swappin'
Tim is forlorn over his breakup with Danielle. He writes her a love letter to express his deepest feelings for her, but hands it to Malcolm to pass to her. But when Tim's love letter falls into the wrong hands, everyone who reads it becomes entangled in romantic misunderstandings, thinking that the letter was intended for them.
Retreat And Surrender
An unlikely romance blossoms between the guys and their girls, during an employee camping retreat in the woods. After being stranded in the woods overnight, Nicolette finally gets Eddie to surrender to her ample womanly charms. Meanwhile, Holly shares bodily warmth with Malcolm, and learns a new respect for him.
Jingle Fever
A rival towing company owner, runs Eddie out of business, and gets him to work for him. But Eddie decides to turn-the-tables on his unscrupulous boss, and get his business back.
Been There, Done That
Eddie's luck seems to take a turn for the worse, each time Malcolm's luck takes a turn for the better, leaving Eddie battered & beaten. Malcolm meets a girl who he believes is the ""perfect"" girl, until Eddie tells him that he's already Been there, Done that! Meanwhile, Nicollette is exuberant about taking the exam for the Police Academy.
Roofless People
Malcolm's banker convinces him to hire his arsonist daughter as a waitress in order to have his loan for a new roof approved. Meanwhile Eddie sweet-talks Nicolette into continuing their secret love affair, in order to keep things spicy.
Casino Evil
When their customers opt to go to a competing bar down the block, Malcolm decides to turn McGee's into a gambling establishment and save himself from bankruptcy.
Sibling Rivalry
Malcolm, his gay sister, and Eddie compete for the attentions of a new waitress.
A Police Officer and a Gentleman
Nicolette wants to make her relationship with Eddie a public one, while Eddie continues to want them to meet in secret. Nicolette is asked to the policemen's ball by another man, and feeling rejected by Eddie, she decides to go. Eddie gets jealous and tries to stand up for his woman, but he falls far short. Malcolm unwittingly buys stolen lobsters for the club's catering of the policemen's ball, and Simone does a fantastic job of making them a hit.
The Courtship of Eddie's Mother
The guys may become family when Eddie's mother starts dating Malcolm's father.
Trading Spaces
After Malcolm and Eddie each make suggestions to the other about ways to improve each other's business, they decide to make a bet, which leads the guys to switch places and run each other's business for a week.
Like Water for Chocolate Cookies
Simone tries to win Malcolm's heart through his stomach with some special chocolate cookies, but once Malcolm tastes them, he only wants to use them to go into the cookie business with. Meanwhile, McGinley tries to lure Simone away from Malcolm, to work in his bar.
Dream Racer
Malcolm inadvertently places a large bet on Eddie when he competes in a NASCAR race. Nicollette fears a dream she had about Eddie might come true.
Hoop Schemes
Eddie subs as coach of a peewee basketball team in order to show up a rival, and Malcolm worries that his trash-talk tactics will leave the team in the dumper.
Two Men and the Baby
The guys discover that baby-sitting Eddie's infant cousin draws women, but then they panic when they realize that the baby is missing.
The Way We Weren't
Friends guide feuding Malcolm and Eddie down memory lane.
It Almost Happend One Night
Malcolm acts as chef Simone's husband to fool her high-school nemesis.
Whose Room is It Anyway?
Malcolm dreams about a distant future where he and Eddie are still roommates.
Tough Love
Malcolm uses tough love on his sister who gets fired and dumped in the same week.
A Decent Proposal
Nicolette enlists Malcolm and Eddie to help her shy beau find the words to propose. So the guys devise a plan to help Stanley gain some confidence by encouraging him to become a lady's man. As his confidence grows, the plan begins to backfire, with disastrous results for Nicollette.
Bachelor Daze
It comes as a shock to Malcolm and Eddie when they learn that their old pal, Nelson Carter, is getting married. After all, there was a better chance for the Pope to get married before Nelson ever decided to settle down. But on the day of Nelson's wedding—and after a wild night at his bachelor party—the two begin considering settling down themselves.
Mixed Nuts
Malcolm, his sister Maura, Eddie and his mother Sheila are preparing a surprise party for Malcolm's father Marcus. Maura and Sheila start arguing over what they believe to be Marcus' favorite cake, but things really start heating up when Eddie's Grandpa, Aunt Ruby, Uncle Lud and Cousin Doyle make an unexpected entrance.
The Slender Arm of the Law
Everybody thinks Eddie's pal Rusty is crazy. During his career as a NASCAR driver, Rusty had one too many racing accidents that have left him short of a few lug nuts. His presence at Eddie's garage and Malcolm's bar has been good for business, though. However, Nicolette discovers that Rusty is really an alias and that he's a lot crazier than anybody originally thought....
A Few So-So Men
Malcolm's dream to renovate McGee's into 1930s jazz club is in full swing when he discovers that the contractor he hired to build his bar turns out to be an old Navy buddy of Eddie's. Since he and Eddie did not get along in the Navy, the contractor leaves the job until Eddie gives him an apology, leaving Malcolm without a bar.
A Delicate Procedure
Needing Tim's help in getting a tattoo removed, Malcolm agrees to date Tim's feisty sister & really turns on the charm to soften her stoney heart. But Tim may not be too happy about the results. He threatens Malcolm that he should not hurt his little sister, or else! Now Malcolm must find a way out of this relationship, but he must be extremely careful.
Car Trouble
Malcolm's car bites the dust, so Eddie talks Malcolm into buying a car from a police auction. Much to their surprise, the car contains a secret load of cash hidden inside. Things begin to heat up when tough guys show up interested in getting the car back.
Kansas City Split
Malcolm's life changes after meeting a spiritual counselor, falls in love with her, and decides to sell his bar. His wedding plans dissolve after she decides she's really in love with someone else. Meanwhile, Eddie decides to take an executive job in Pittsburgh.
My New Friend's Wedding
In a flash-back, after being jilted by Mira, Malcolm & Eddie meet each other for the first time at Eddie's wedding. Malcolm consoles a jilted Eddie after his bride-to-be left him standing at the altar, by relating his own disastrous trip to the altar.
Back in Business
After discovering that Eddie spent all his money on electronic gadgets and has no money left to reinvest in their new business venture, Malcolm and Eddie join forces to find a way to re-open Malcolm's former bar as the new Fifty/Fifty club.
Silenced Partner
Business partners Malcolm and Eddie open a jazz club with Malcolm's money. And after Malcolm throws it up in Eddie's face and wants to make all the decisions, Eddie looks for ways to raise his share of the money.
Twisted Sisters
The guys pull elaborate Halloween pranks on each other at the club's annual Halloween costume party. But then things really begin to heat up when the guys meet 2 aspiring fashion models in the adjoining motel room.
Dream Girl
Malcolm and Eddie each meet the girl of their dreams. Malcolm's girl is sweet & demure and likes to cook for him. Eddie's girl is a ""straight-up hood-rat"" that likes to drink 40 ounce bottles of beer. The men eventually find out that their dream girls are one and the same, as she is someone who takes the concept of ""I'm Every Woman"" to the extreme.
Menace II Theology
Non-church-goers Malcolm and Eddie accidentally volunteer to teach Sunday school while visiting at Nicolette's church and find that they have a knack for public speaking.
Love Thy Neighbor
Malcolm & Eddie's business is booming at the club, so they decide to expand the club to increase business even further. However the building owner jas just recently rented out the empty space next door, and now the new tenant, who is opening a dance studio, will have to move in order for the guys to expand the club.
Teed Off
A wealthy tycoon challenges Eddie to a high-stakes game of golf.
Requiem for a Lightweight
Malcolm suggests Eddie settle his differences with an ex-con in the boxing ring.
Bowl-a-Drama
Malcolm's estranged brother comes to town, igniting old tensions, but reviving old family ties. Meanwhile, Nicolette takes a job in a bowling alley, and tries to get along with unruly customers.
That's What Friends are For
Nicolette walks out on Malcolm and the bar, when an unruly customer gives her a hard time and Malcolm doesnt stand up for her, and takes advantage of her friendship. Nicolette finally teaches Malcolm a lesson about what friendship is supposed to be. Meanwhile Leonard bares his soul to an attractive customer who he has a crush on, but gets rejected.
Father of the Bribe
The father of Malcolm's new girlfriend offers him a bribe to stop seeing his daughter, Ashley. Hawkins has seen Malcolm in action, & knows he chases women alot, so he is not pleased to see him date his beloved daughter. So he threatens not to renew the club's lease unless Malcolm stops seeing Ashley.
Paint Misbehavin'
Nicolette stays with Malcolm & Eddie while her place is being painted and her quirks & habits drive the guys crazy.
Insemination Without Representation
Its Nicolette's 30th birthday, and the gang decides to have a surprise birthday celebration for her. But the thought of turning 30 without ever having had a baby is too much for her to handle. So Nicolette asks Malcolm to father a child for her, and to do it via artificial insemination.
The Mad Hatter
Eddie seeks justice on a televised court show ""Citizen's Court"" after Malcolm allows his hats to be stolen from his car, while taking them to the cleaners. Malcolm had left the windows down and the car unlocked.
Devil's Advocate
Malcolm and Eddie receive tickets and all expense paid trip to New York to appear on a panel for a sports fanatic show, on the Jerry Stein show. So the guys show up for the taping dressed in weird sports-fan attire, but are unaware that they are actually on a talk show about devil worshipers. They can't understand why the audience is jeering and booing them, until the rest of the panelists come out on the stage.
Badfellas
The Fifty/Fifty Club is ransacked after the guys refuse to pay protection money.
The Fool Monty
Nicolette prompts the guys to offer a ladies night, including male strippers.
Daddio
A contractor (Coolio) consults Malcolm and Eddie about building a club in Chicago.
As You Strike It
The staff of the Fifty-Fifty club goes on strike and Malcolm and Eddie refuse to budge on their labor negotiations. But chaos soon ensues in the club, forcing the guys to give in to their worker's demands.
The Sweet Hell of Success
As the profits from the 50/50 club begin to grow larger and larger, Malcolm and Eddie clash over whose money-making strategy is best. Malcolm believes in investing his money in the stock market, while Eddie believes in betting on horse races.
B.S. I Love You
A gorgeous bandleader (Cindy Herron) breaks up Malcolm and Ashley.
Hanging by a Dred
Ashley catches Malcolm kissing Olivia. After their breakup, Malcolm goes into a funk and Eddie goes to extraordinary lengths (and heights) to pull him out of it. Eddie tries taking Malcolm on a hot-air balloon ride.
Ship Outta Luck
The duo agrees to listen to a realty sales pitch in order to get a free seven-day cruise.
Hot Pants
Dexter returns and asks Eddie for another loan—it seems he's been evicted from his apartment yet again. Heeding Malcolm's advice, Eddie doesn't give him the loan but takes a stand to help Dexter back on his feet. However, the situation changes once Dexter gets coffee spilled on his lap at the club.
Clubbed
The guys deal with a new rival for their business, a beautiful buxom woman who opens a dance club down the street from the Fifty-Fifty Club, by holding a bogus contest to attract new customers. The trouble comes when the guys decide to fight fire with fire, and rig a bogus contest of their own, but with disastrous results.
Worst Impressions
Deciding they need a company car, Malcolm buys a lemon, which Eddie quickly replaces with a fully-loaded, high-priced SUV. Their drastically opposing views about spending money threaten to divide the two best friends until they agree to try a little role reversal to better understand how the other one thinks. Meanwhile, Nicolette, Leonard and Doug are on their best behavior, hoping to win ""Employee of the Week"" and the bonus that comes with it.
The Tapawingo Witch Project
Hoping to duplicate the incredible success of the movie ""The Blair Witch Project,"" Malcolm recruits Nicolette, Leonard, Doug and a very reluctant Eddie to help him make a similar film about a local Kansas City legend, the Tapawingo Witch. But after they head deep into the woods to film the documentary, a series of frightening events spook the novice filmmakers, blurring the line between fantasy and reality.
Won't Power
Nicolette's desire for a meaningful relationship inspires her to try celibacy, and inspires the others to a challenge to see who can abstain from giving in to their sexual desires the longest. As the gang slowly gives in to the temptation one by one, everyone is surprised at who the final winner is.
The Wrongest Yard
Malcolm and Eddie are thrilled when the Kansas City Chief's star running back visits the Fifty/Fifty Club and gives them free tickets to his next game. But after Eddie accidentally gives the famed football player a concussion that costs the Chiefs the game, Malcolm and Eddie become Public Enemies number one and two.
Fairly Decent Proposal
While vacationing in Las Vegas with Malcolm and his new girlfriend, Eddie can't resist the lure of the crap table. But when his lucky streak turns unlucky to the tune of $50,000, he has no way to pay his debt, until a wealthy female offers to cover his losses on one condition—that she gets to sleep with Malcolm in return.
A Fowl and Stormy Night
Malcolm, Eddie, Nicolette, Leonard and Doug head to North Carolina to spend the holiday with Malcolm's Uncle Buddy. But panic sets in when they reach his uncle's empty house and discover the town has been evacuated because of an oncoming hurricane, and now they're caught right in the middle of it.
Sneaky, Thieving, Double-Crossing Dates from Hell
After Leonard's date publicly humiliates him at the Fifty/Fifty Club, Malcolm and Nicolette try to cheer him up by sharing their ""worst date"" stories. But nothing can top Eddie's date that night when he's lured by a woman named ""Sinful Sally"" to her apartment, unaware that she plans to broadcast their rendezvous live over the Internet.
Your Number's Up
Eddie agrees to buy Malcolm's lottery ticket and has to face the consequences—again and again and again—when the numbers hit.
Designing Woman
With Malcolm sound asleep, robbers break into the apartment and steal all the furniture and strip the house of all its contents. They hire an interior designer to redo the apartment, but find out she not only has an eye for style, but a taste for a con game.
Bullets Over Kansas City
Eager to make her club Kansas City's most popular night spot, Malcolm and Eddie's chief rival, Mia, makes Eddie an incredible offer he may not be able to refuse. Meanwhile, Nicolette enters a short story contest, transporting the gang back in time to the 1920s when two rival nightclub owners resorted to far more villainous tactics to be number one.
The Best Men
When Eddie's cousin Dexter decides to get married, he asks Eddie to be his best man and Malcolm to be his ""man of honor."" But Dexter's promise to his fiancée that they'll be no strippers at the bachelor party is broken when an unaware Malcolm hires a sexy stripper, and then has to bring the two lovebirds back together when the wedding is called off.
Swooped
When Hawkins dies suddenly of a heart attack, his daughter Ashley is surprised to learn that she can only inherit his 10 million dollars is on one condition—that she marry Eddie within 30 days. But Eddie soon discovers that saying ""I do"" to wealth and marriage may devastate Malcolm, who has taken drastic measures to try and forget about the feelings he still has for Ashley.
Radio Daze
Malcolm and Eddie try to outdo the rave review for Mia's nightclub by convincing her DJ boyfriend to do a live broadcast from the Fifty-Fifty Club. But when she sees how successful the broadcast is, Mia resorts to an outrageous lie about Malcolm to turn things back in her favor.
Buddy's Ashes
When Malcolm's Uncle Buddy dies, Malcolm is entrusted with his ashes to scatter in the Missouri River. But when Eddie mistakenly uses the urn for a vase, Uncle Buddy winds up in a very different place than expected, and Eddie has to go to outrageous extremes to keep Malcolm from finding out about the final resting place of his dearly departed uncle.
Moving Violations
Things are going so well for Malcolm and Eddie with their new girlfriends that Malcolm invites Helena to move in with him, and Eddie tries to double his fun by moving in with the twins that he's dating. But the romance quickly fades when Malcolm realizes what a slob Helena is, and the twins drive Eddie nuts fighting for his attention.
Double Play
For Malcolm's thirtieth birthday, Eddie surprises him with a chance to watch an upcoming baseball game from the sportscaster's booth. But the biggest surprise comes when Eddie creates a clever diversion allowing Malcolm to fulfill his lifelong career fantasy and serve as commentator for the game, with disastrous results.
Mid-Wife Crisis
A newly-confident Dexter visits the guys with his pregnant wife in tow, only for her to go into labor just as a long streak of bad luck events take place in their lives.
Three of Club
After finding out that the success of the Fifty/Fifty Club has driven its competing club, Club Misdemeanor, out of business, an accident damages the club forcing Malcolm and Eddie to try and find financing to reopen the club. To make matters worse, Mia, former owner of Club Misdemeanor becomes their new landlord. So in order to keep the club from being closed down, the guys decide to take on a third partner.
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